It's just on me, I don't know if you, too.

I believe that no one can call himself "successful" unless he has the doors of Heaven opening for him and the Father welcomes him back in His warm embrace with the angels singing and a smile on His face. Because that's what all of us are here for. It's like we were once angels and after the revolt in Heaven we were sent here on earth, given the chance to choose which side we prefer to stay. This life, this is that chance, that whatever we live for on earth good or evil, that is the choice we make.To stay in Heaven with God or to stay in Hell with Satan.

Living Life

When I was young, definitely a teenager, I always believed that I am not worthy, not favored, not blessed, and worst, not loved. In fact, a teacher from my high school knew about my blues being just an option, a second choice - that's in every aspect of life. That is how miserable I have felt; being with a lot of people everyday, every minute, yet when everyone gets to choose just one person to be with, I will never be anybody's first choice - always a runner up.

Then I thought "Could my mom pick me?" Nope. She'll probably pick dad or my eldest sister. I thought about my father. Nope. He'll probably pick mom or my youngest sister. Could it be my sisters, my family, my friends, the nuns, the priests or the pastors, or my professors? Could it be my readers? Could it be my lover who I have never had? The answer is "NO". 

And then I stopped looking for someone who would pick me as their first, not only because I was consistently told of the cliche euphemism "One day you'll meet someone who will put you first (to be specific, in this planet)." I stopped looking because I grew tired hoping, believing that there's someone out there. I refused to hear another "NO", and I am scared and I am tired of hearing the exact same thing over and over again. So, I stopped.

For six months I was just at home. Desperate,  because I could not find a job. Hopeless, because I do not even remember what I wanted to become, what my dreams are, who I was and who I wanted to be. I cannot see the path that seems to be so vivid and clear when I was young. I have nowhere to go. 

Only when I came across the movie "God's Not Dead" (I am not sure if you have seen it, but I do suggest), I realized that there's always someone who cared about me, who placed me first, who thought of me more than power, wealth, and even more than His own life. And I am sure you are certain of who I am talking about, it's Jesus - God.

Then to some, or probably most of you, I sound laughable, intolerably corny, and definitely boring. Why? Because I am talking about someone or something you and I have never seen? Let me ask you. Have you seen your future? You entire past? You were told by your parents that the first word you said was TATA and you lived your life believing it, even if you haven't seen it yourself or heard it on tape, or sense it in the most absolute way.Yet you believed, because it was your past and your parents were the only people you can trust about this. Because it was favorable. If so, shouldn't we believe in the scriptures? Shouldn't we believe in God because he is the only one who knows our past, present and future more than anybody and even more than ourselves. Shouldn't we see our God as a favorable God?

Going back, all I am saying is that after all the "NO's" in my life, it took sometime for me to hear a "YES" which was probably just there all the time when I was too busy looking and I forgot to listen. Same is true with life and career. It is not always a "YES", but with every "NO" you learn, and you have yourself scratched and friction-ed. And yes, even the finest of crystals needs friction to be as beautiful as they are worth of everyone's attention.

Look, I maybe consistently disappointing your expectations of me saying things about how to choose the right career and how to live life successfully. I am just here to talk about how I chose mine and how I lived my life so far. And you are there sitting and imagining me as someone who is talking to you face to face giving you two options: (one) listen and learn from my words; or (two) listen and unlearn everything after the last period of this article. But either way I need you to do more than just reading or hearing me in your head, I need you to listen. And I am not requiring or even expecting the littlest of all the chances of you quoting me in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Blogger, Google + or whatsoever social media platform you use. I just need you to do one simple yet very demanding word - LISTEN.

In the end I will just be answering one question that if not all, most of you have posted in your minds throughout this article: "Why is this person demanding me to listen when he/she is not even someone famous and worthy of my time?" If you have gone this far, let me answer you. If you dared to listen to my make-believe voice in your head, if you read every word in this article, if you patiently seek for the answer, it all boils down to the old saying "A good leader is a good listener." When you know how to listen to the tiniest voice you can hear, you are ready to listen to the loudest shout. For he who listens, learns more than a man who can afford books, he who listens can afford experience - that is life's greatest teacher. 

So you might turn the title background on me. How are you living life? 

It is simple. I dream. Because dreams are life's purposes. When I stop dreaming, I stop living life for a purpose, I stop doing more, I stop believing in what I can do, I stop knowing who I am and all that is left for me is to wait for death to come knocking on my door. 

Let me ask you. What sounds better?
"I will work hard because I am dreaming of having my own house, car, boutique, and my own legacy." 
Or
"I just need to survive this sh.t everyday."

Our mind is very powerful that what we think is what we  perceive, and what we perceive is what we live. It's just a matter of choosing which, what and whose side to take. Freewill. Will you choose the good? Or will you choose the absence of it? 

Life is how you define it by your choices.

By FAITH

And then I have cried the sincerest tears to Him.
I have felt most loved by Him.
I felt I have lived more than enough every minute of my life because I walked this life with Him!

THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

Did you ever have that moment when you wake up remembering a handsome guy in your dream, but ironically cannot remember his face? Like, you just know he’s handsome. End of the conversation. That’s what us, girls call - “the man of our dreams.”

And if you woke up to that once, yeah, I’ve been there…like a lot! I also tried getting back to sleep and chase after him, but it’s just plainly impossible.

Yes, this is when us, girls begin to fantasize about a guy which we honestly do not know if existent. And if we can only draw his face, upload it on the internet, have it viral and talked about, and get people involving themselves to find him, we will, right? Unfortunately, the main point goes “you cannot remember his face”.

The right guy? Fate? Destiny? Divine providence?

May he be or may he not be any of the aforementioned most used girl reasons, the big question comes after going crazy in love.  If someone, somewhere finds him and he learned all about your stalker-ish desperateness to see him, wouldn’t you just CREEP him and SCARE him AWAY? Get it real girl, HE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW YOU, and you are here somewhere in the globe looking for him?!

Therefore, I came up with one great solution –

STOP LOOKING FOR THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS!

You can say I am crazy, harsh, immoral, out-of-bounds, whatever whatever, but let me tell you my case.

I am a 20-year old (turning 21) lady. I know a lot of guys and most of them are my friends, but I never had a boyfriend. My girl friends are in a relationship, I am not. Yes! In my 20 years of existence, I have never been in a relationship. And you may think that I am desperate, but sorry to disappoint you, I am not. Of all people I must be the one going crazy and believing the “man of my dreams” shit, but no, I don’t. Why? Again, because I am not desperate. Why? Because desperate people are insecure people, discontent people, and people who define happiness from the society and someone else’s way of defining happiness. 

Girl, happiness is how you define it. It's an inside job!

And again, why waste your time looking for the man of your dreams? Why have lists of what your future man should be? Cut it off! Get your ass to yourself. Instead of searching and waiting for that power genes guy, why not devote your time to shaping a better you? Be your own kind of beautiful. Instead of chasing him, why not chase your dreams? Why look for a nouveau riche when you can pursue your own dreams and succeed?  Why look, if you can be found? Why dream of him when he can dream of you?

“Then many will be intimidated by my achievements!”

Yes. But remember this:

A boy will be intimidated, but a MAN will prove himself worthy.

Never be a girlfriend material. Be a wife material. A ring, covenant, vow and marriage, who does not want them?

And most of all, do not look for the right one, be the right one.

Remember: The guy will come!